Weirdness Returns

Yes....it is back to being strange and weird....
Not just with one thing in particular....just everything on a whole...
Tom is busy with things at his end...and we haven't talked in a while....
And no it's not like we haven't talked at all..... we do talk...but a few minutes here and there.... but I am used to spending hours and hours talking to him....
Oh well...I better get used to the not talking....he stars work...and with his night work schedule and the 3 hr time difference we will go on our 'weekend schedule'....where we will probably get time to talk only on the weekend!
So yeah...good times eh!?!?!

Then in the past few days a friend at work has gotten into some legal crap.... and I am so worried about him.
And he didn't even do anything wrong... just a bunch of guys being stupid but he didn't do anything wrong...but isn't opening his mouth.... just as a way to protect his friend.
I wasn't even sure if there were people like that who really existed any more...
Anyways....so that's on my mind....

I am no fun when I have several things on my mind....
And then speaking of work...this one guy I am supposed to do the accounting for has been really been getting on my last nerves...his work is such a shit load...and if I find some shit myself (and doing my job) he seems to hate me more....
It stinks when we feel so much negativity from one person towards you....I could give examples to make a point but he has really tested my patience and tolerance in the past few months....
I HATE his guts....I really do
Oh well... if this keeps going on I said to myself I would be asked to be moved to another group. I wouldn't 'give up' and pass on this if it wasn't affecting me this way.... I always said that I wanted to do something that I can just leave behind when I go home... but this whole situation with him just makes me very mad.
Whatever....feels good to just talk abt this shit....

And then I have this new thing bothering me today....
My ex contacted me today....the one that I thought I was madly in love with.... I never had my peace with the way things ended.... there was no explanation...no conversation... it just happened... It was weird.... I was ignored...lol
And it was worse cause I was led on to believe there was something serious between us....
He talked to me abt marriage... he brought it up! Now that is just weird... why would a guy do that if he didn't care.... or maybe he was a big time player and it was just a big game for him.....
I would like to just know why...or what...or if it was ever real....
I just wanna finally put it behind me....His good friend is also a very good friend of mine... And it would be nice to just go to being friends...and not have it so that H (our common friend) can't mention A (my ex) without it being weird for me...
Anyways...he contacted me on Orkut (where I am met such long lost friends...love that site!) and then emailed me.... asking for my phone number...and i just ignored that at first....didnt think us exchanging phone numbers is a good idea...but then he asked 2 more times...and I didn't want him to think im not over him...so I just gave it to him.... Am I over him? Yes... I don't really have feelings for him any more... I don't regret anything that happened...but I just want to know what happened....what caused the movement from the perception of being in love to being completely deserted....Or if there was some reason and/or explanation to it....Don't think it's too much to ask for...
And I don't know if that will be answered or not....it's just been so damn long....Last time I saw him was like 5-6 years back....Maybe things are better left unanswered....



I wouldn't think I would ever be in contact with him again....
I remember him.... I wonder what he might look like now....
Why?
Feelings are just messed up sometimes....





Update...
did this stupid palm reading thing online...look at wat it said...


"A palmist would say that you will be married multiple times or have several committed relationships that do not lead to marriage. It will be up to you at some point to make a decision that will either drive you toward or away from each of these relationships. A palmist would say that you will have the opportunity to have at least one child, probably including a girl. The decision to embrace this opportunity to bring children into your life is yours."


haha thats too funny. married multiple times...great!!


link here

Missing Him Again

I have tried to write just the perfect post to write about Tom's visit, but it's hard to find the right words.

His trip was just so wonderful..... We get to spend most our time together across the computer screen ... and being together - really physically being together, means so much!

We weren't sure about how it would go....we hadn't spend all this time together before...and we were just hoping everything would work out ok. And it was more than just okay.... it was just perfect.

We got to do so many things together....
We did some local site seeing, we went to the movies, we went up to the mountains for a little visit, and in all we got to send a lot of time together!

The mountain trip was just wonderful.... we visited the Great Smoky National Park and drove through the Blue Ridge Parkway.
The view was just wonderful....
I am attaching some pics he took....



These are close to the highest point in the Smoky Mountains.




And here is a little view of the sunset.... we drove past this other place that had a much better view... but I think this pic is good too.


When we were not visiting places we just spent time with each others... it was great to be able to just hold him and hug him. He is just such a cute teddy bear! lol
Going to the movies with him was very fun and special too.

Apart from traveling and site seeing we also spent a lot of quiet time...This one day we went to a lake near where I live and spend some alone time just talking....
We talked about so many different things.... from the future....to our interests...to things we both enjoy doing....

It was great that we almost always had things to say ... in a few ways maybe we didn't know what to expect....

The things I say here probably sound redundant... but I can't say enough what a wonderful time it was.
I love him so so much.... And I am so lucky to have him in my life....he takes care of me...he looks out for me... he treats me like a gem and makes me feel so special and beautiful.
Obviously, I am one lucky girl...!!!

I miss him so much now.... I sobbed when I had to say goodbye... it was a lot lot harder than last time....

I still miss him being around the house.... I miss sharing my bed with him...I miss waking up to him by my side...I miss making breakfast for him...and so many more things....
I just miss starting and ending the day with him...

This whole thing has just made our relationship so much stronger and just so solid and REAL.
Hopefully next time I see him will be my going to CA! But that's still a little while away!

Everything was just right....It's great to feel completely in love!

20 hrs .....

about 20 more hours to go....
million things left to do.....


I am soooooooo happy!!! and excieted!!! YAAAAY!
okay.... i gotta go and get some work done....

cya guys!!!

9 More Days

Yes...In 9 days I should be sharing this couch that I am sitting on with my dearest!

The days have been nearing so quick...work has been so busy I have had no time to think about things.
He will be here before I know it....so I am EXCITED!!

I don't have much to say....just am eager and anxious.

:-)

Another Year Older....

Blah.... I hate birthdays... All you do is eat and drink more than usual and it usually isn't even worth it!!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH....

23....which is still really young.... and I kinda wish I was older.... but I should be out parting and getting wasted...and not home watching TV.


I know you wish you could be me!!

Whatever....good thing the weekends almost here....get to chill with family and friends!

Happy Birthday to me.

More Drawings!!

YAAAAY ... More drawings....

LOL... This time I just came home early from work and was like...what the heck...

This picture is horrible.. Lost my camera at this wedding we went to few weeks back...so I used my webcam to capture this image...
Comment please!!!

I already got a suggestion on this pic from my darling....he said that this girl should have longer hair!
He is nut about long hair!! haha...
So that will be changes to come...He wants her hair to be all the way down to her ass....

So...I might just do that...afterall....he makes the rules!!
(If you don't know what I am talking about....look at my post from 7/28/06).



Sorry about the template.... I didn't wanna change it but seems like it is this new blogger crap...
Oh well...So I lost all my links...
I just updated to one of their default ones without copy pasting the links..dumbass move....

So if you are gonna leave a comment...please make sure to add your website!!!

Thanks!
Have a good weekend!!!


P.S. This image came about by looking at the image HERE
I am not a point where I can draw without having something to look at!!


UPDATE....
Notes so far on possible changes.....

Kiss

This picture deserves two things right now...
(1) a few more visits to make some changes to it....I see flaws/room for improvement
(besides a drawing is NEVER perfect)
(2) A poem made specially for this picture.... this should be enough of an inspiration for some sensual lines!


I should be drawing more couples in the heat!! Maybe next time a lil provocative!! ;-)

Fucked Up

Life is so fucking amazing.... and no...this isn't a positive statement....

The past week has been absolutely fucked up...
Went to one of my cousins wedding last weekend....the wedding was wasn't bad.... I just don't like the whole wedding thing...so damn long and boring....
As if it couldn't get any worse....another cousin of mine had seizures at the wedding!!!! AT THE WEDDING... scary shit. I dunno whats wrong with him but apparently it has been happening for the past 2 years...it was one of the scariest thing I have ever seen.... Or so I thought....

Monday I got into a car accident.. I am fine....just pulled a few muscles in my back and shoulders and stuff... but my car is fucked up... and you know what really sucks... it wasn't my damn fault... I was just driving straight and this guy came into my lane out of no where... I was so scared and terrified..
Right after it happened I knew I should be making calls ...b ut I didn't know what to do...I just sat there.... my hands were shaking... I couldn't think...
I just waited until the cops came and then called my dad.

No matter how big or small...a car accident has gotta be one of the most scariest things....
I've gone from looking for an excuse to drive to finding a way to drive as less as I possibly can....
I am driving a rental right now... and it just pissed me off. It's not fair...it's not cool.

Lost Without You

Lost Without You lyrics by Robin Thicke.

I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
Tell me how u love me more
And how u think I’m sexy baby
That u don’t want nobody else
U don’t want this guy u don’t want that guy u wanna
Touch yourself when u see me
Tell me how u love my body
And how I make u feel baby
U wanna roll with me u wanna hold with me
U wanna stay warm and get out of the cold with me
I just love 2 hear u say it
It makes a man feel good baby
Tell me u depend on me
I need To hear it
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
Baby you’re the perfect shape
Baby you’re the perfect weight
Treat me like my birthday
I want it this way I want it that way I want it
Tell me u don’t want me To stop
Tell me it would break your heart
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
That u love me and all my dirty
U wanna roll with me u wanna hold with me
U wanna make fires and get Norwegian wood with me
I just love To hear u say it
It makes a man feel good baby
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
'Cos you may tell me every morning
Ooooooh Alright babe
Aaah yeah
Oh baby
Oh Darling
Ahh yeah
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby
Ooooh Yeah
Oh baby
Oh darling
Ah yeah. Right
Oh baby
Oh darling
Oooh Hoo baby.
All right, right right

This song is so hot and sexy.... with just the right amount of lovey-dovey factor and nasty factor...
But....an ugly looking guy could ruin this song...

Look at the video HERE
His voice already is a little bit on the girlie side...and I see him and I am surprised how he has any facial hair...
He just performed live on American Idol and it was just gag-worthy!

Argh!

Anyways... this are still kinda weird with Tom.... we had a huge fight Saturday... so big I had to send him an offline Sunday saying the scary words.... "We need to talk!"

Oh well....we made up :-) We fight about little things every now and then!!!

He is gonna make final plans about visiting soon....he is now thinking of July...
Will see how that goes.
Work is SUPER busy;....I promise to start reading blogs next week.
If not next week its cause I am going to a wedding...
lol... not making excuses... laying out the facts!

Keep reading! TC!

The Bad Times Seem To Be Back

Things seem to be back at being rough again....
Last weekend Tom told me that his trip might be getting cancelled/postponed.
It's a long story why it isn't happening and I don't even really want to talk about it...
It's just a mixture of feelings...I understand...but I am also sad and angry.... Yes, I am being selfish but I can't help it...It just sucks more cause we had been planning the trip for so long now...
I miss him so damn much...
He is angry about it too...and on top of that he has no internet access this week...so not only have I not really talked to him...the last time we talked we didn't really end it at a happy note...

It's just not fucking fair...

I haven't really said much on our non-vanilla blog (not sure if I mentioned that on here on not...)
I don't want to be selfish...but I am....
I meant to write here earlier this week...but I just didn't know what to say...

Today I happen to go to a non-vanilla friend's blog and I read that her Master passed away not too long ago....
I can't even imagine what that would feel like...
I am not sure how I would be able to survive the loss of someone so close and dear to your heart....

It's just so hard... And I feel so sorry for her.......

It's amazing how quickly things can change...

Crappy Week

I think this week has just been stressful.

I got sick last Friday and then it just got worse Sunday and Monday. I had to call in sick at work on Tuesday and visited a doc on Wed.
Apparently I was suffering from pollen allergies and also had a sinus infection.
Trust me...it isn't fun!
About 6.5 yrs back when I moved to the states I thought it was ridiculous how the Americans complained about allergies and all those things relating them. They always had a long list of things they were allergic to, and it was always amusing.
And now...here I am, suffering from pollen allergies and now I understand where they come from.
It's not fun when you have a runny nose and sharp pain only in a certain spot on your head,...AND on top of that everyone at work things you are supercontagious and doesn't want anything to do with you.
Okay...maybe it's not that extreme..but people definately think they will catch something even if they spend a few seconds around you...
Come on...it's alllergies... I ain't no doctor...but I don't think I can pass on my allergies to someoene....please correct me if I am wrong!!

Anyways...yes, now I am one of them.
So I was super sick Tuesday thru Thursday.
My darling Tommy kept calling me every now and then and kept checking on me...which was so cute!! lol. sorry...helpless romantic. I know!!
Anyways...
So then today my manager was just being a bitch and complaing and a whole bunch of crap that I don't wanna talk about and at the end of the day I was just tired...
So while I was driving back home from work I thought today woiuld be a good day to get drunk...

Now at first I thought about going for the regular Smirnoff Ice that becomes my 'comfort' giver after a crazy day at work.,..But this wasn't a crazy day at work...It was a nasty week... I thought I would go for something that would positively give me more of a buzz than the usual....
So I grabbed the Sierra Nevada Beer...

I am definately not a beer person...but this isn't any beer.. Or so was I told by my dear boyfriend. He loves this beer...and I thought what the heck... I wanna get drunk... and this just might do the trick..
Okay...so I tried it...and this thing is just plain NASTY...
it smells disgusting and it tastes disgusting...
There is no way I am drinking that... 2 sips of it was enough to make me feel absolutely disgusted... and now I am too lazy to go and get me something else...
So not only was it $8 gone to waste.... I can't (won't) even get drunk now!!!

Wonderful week!!!

Come back...

Hey guys!!
I have officially run out of excuses to not putting an update on here...
Yes, I have been extremely busy with everything that has been going on with me...but I also have honestly lacked any real enthusiasm to get on here and put updates...
Most people (what I have heard) don't even do the blogging thing any more...

I guess some people got themselves lives outside the online world...I know I did!

Anyways....on to the update...
There has been so much going on and I dunno where to start... and I am also very likely to forget to say things I know I want to say...
oh well...

Let's start with something that has been keeping me most busy...
And it has been work...
For those that don't know...I absolutely hated school. I did not like my classes and I was convinced that I had picked a wrong major...
Fortunately, that has all changed. I still think I hated my classes....but working is so much different... I wasn't sure if I had wasted the past 4 years of my life earning an education I wouldnt be able to stick to as a profession.
Like I said... this are different...
Accounting makes sense and it is kinda coool... and please... no I am not a nerd! And I still hate taxes...but I love my job and maybe that's whats made accounting more sensible...
I won't bore anyone with the details, but the things are great at work..
It was worth all the 4 months of job hunting that seemed to be going no where at the time.

I am also at a point where I love living alone... It isn't all that lonely and boring any more...
So life is good :-)

AND now...life gets better with my next topic...

Tom.... Yes.... we are still together!
We have actually been through a lot of ups and downs...when I moved we kinda took a step back... a tiny step back.. It was hard to find time to talk...
and ofcourse, that greatly affected us....
But...we have made it through it...
We survived on occasional phone calls and chats...

Things kinda changed a few weeks back and he has just become so open and a little less concerned about reality...
He worries too much (I think)... and I guess I finially convinced him (a little bit, not completely) that we should just live in the moment and not worry about the future because we obviously don't know what is going to happen..
Anyways, he has just changed a lot...
And the change has also brought about an upcoming trip!!
We are currently almost ready to finalize a trip he is planning to come visit me!!

So basically our relationship is definately at the best it has ever been at before. I am more in love with him today, than I have ever been before...
He will probably spend a week or so with me and we are also planning a road trip.

This is all good and I can't be happier!!

I wanted to take this time to thank everyone that has been so supportive of all the things I have said on this blog.
I have recieved a lot of positive and negative responses...but more positive than negative. And that is such a good feeling.
I know this could be a strange concept to many.... but you have to understand it's a personal choice.

I have seen 'friends' acting strange over this whole topic... and my friends are entitled to their own personal opinions as long as they don't see me as a different person.
It is my friends that accept me for who I am... and my 'friends' that just ignore me.

And that is fine... I will take friends over 'friends' any day!!
So thank you all again for all your support...I am comfortable with what I have chosen...so I do not need any fake support. Save yourself the energy...but I absolutely am not going to listen to any crap from a person that is going to force their opinion on me.

I am not here trying to get hundreds and thousands of hits on my blog... I am way beyond that!!


Anyways...I'm done with my attitude talk!!

And finally, one last thing I wanted to say....
When I decieded to go ahead and do an update, the first thing I started to do was.... looking for new templates...
I love change and those that have been around this blog long enough, have seen me change templates a couple of times.
I looked and looked and I just couldn't find the right thing...
And then I thought about a comment a fellow blogger said about this template being so me..
And that is true...it is me...So I am sticking to it!!
Thank you Mr. Clueless!!! :-)
Anyways...don't be surprised if I end up changing the template down the road...but it's good for now.


I'm done yapping...
Thanks for reading...I promise to be regular on here from now..
Will get to some reading early next week.